


Overload

by tromana



Series: 50 Starting Points [3]
Category: The Mentalist
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e16 There Will Be Blood, F/M, Introspection, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-11
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-05 00:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/716772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tromana/pseuds/tromana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lisbon reacts to the news. Episode tag/missing scene for 5x16 There Will Be Blood</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overload

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a drabble. Um.
> 
> Written for the Paint It Red March 2013 Monthly Challenge too. Because why not? It fits.

She feels uneasy.

Objectively, she cannot feel completely sorry for Lorelei’s demise. The woman was a ruthless murderer who dealt with a dangerous serial killer. Lorelei Martins had tortured and killed several people; her last victim remains in a critical condition in hospital at this very moment. And that’s only the ones they currently know about. And almost more importantly from Lisbon’s perception, the crazed psychopath had dug her claws into Jane and refused to let go. And the further Jane headed down that route (and the further away he got from _her_ ), the more scared she had become.

Lisbon cares deeply about Jane. She’s the one who has picked together his pieces and tried to put him back together again. If it weren’t for her, Jane wouldn’t have been under the care of the CBI at all. He’s her partner and it’s only natural, or so she tells herself. There are aspects of their relationship that she refuses to even admit that to herself, but she’s already gotten a long way without acknowledging it. Besides she knows it’s safer that way, for the both of them. If they get in too deep, then the inevitable will happen. Lisbon suspects that Red John barely stands for their relationship as it is right now, so if anything more were to happen, it would be suicidal on her part.

And that’s what everything always comes down to: Red John.

Lorelei Martins’ life could easily have been so different. If her sister hadn’t died, if she hadn’t had a sister at all, then Red John would have had nothing to manipulate. She would have been able to live her life as she chose. Having been inflicted with a god awful mother would not have been enough for Red John to persuade a strong-willed woman like Lorelei to come onside. From personal experience, Lisbon knows what it’s like to come from a broken childhood and a broken home. She understands how it feels to suffer from unfettered loathing for a parent due to their behavior. She can see how personal hurt, hardship and above all, tragedy, can change anyone, regardless of their background.

She’s been there. She’s done all that.

She’s come out of the other end a stronger person.

Better? That’s debatable. It’s impossible to know what could have happened if something hadn’t. You only get the opportunity to live life once.

Besides, she’s made mistakes. Often, it’s in the mishandling of Patrick Jane and relatively minor in the greater scheme of things. Sometimes, it’s resulted in the ultimate price for somebody. And Lisbon cannot help but wonder if the dark and lonely path that Jane finds himself on is her fault. Initially, she had been reluctant to allow him to be part of her unit at all. She’d only humored Minelli because he had forced her hand. If she’d been more resolute, Jane would never have had access to the CBI files on Red John and he would have been forced to grieve for his wife and daughter properly. He would never have been thrust down this path for a fruitless quest for revenge.

But, knowing Jane as well as she does, he would have found a way around it anyway. Instead of manipulating the CBI, he would have gone vigilante and chosen a life of crime instead. It’s probably safer for her to have him here, on the inside. That, at least, is another little lie she tells herself, if only to make her feel better about it all. She can’t know otherwise, because this is the path she has ultimately chosen for the both of them.

And that is another reason why she regrets the murder of Lorelei Martins.

She should have known, like Jane, she would be consumed with a quest for revenge once she truly knew either way that Red John was responsible for her sister’s death. After all, if Jane is to be believed, Red John’s girl had known she was in too deep _without_ that knowledge. But, Lisbon also believes that Jane should have known that she would never give up Red John’s name when Lorelei thought she could deal with the killer herself, but that point is moot. He’s in too far as well.

He needed to believe that Lorelei would be manipulated for his needs in the way that Red John had manipulated her for his. She had provided him with a direct link to the serial killer and a shred of hope that one day, all this might just be over.

Somewhere along the line, Jane had also developed feelings for Lorelei Martins. It didn’t matter that she had been Red John’s girl; he’d still fallen.

That’s something else that Lisbon can empathize with entirely.

Briefly, she rests her head against the cool surface of her desk. She’s thinking too hard, by all accounts. It’s hardly surprising, given the circumstances. The phone call about Lorelei’s murder came in exactly seven minutes and thirty-two seconds ago. Lisbon had put the phone back down five minutes and three seconds ago. Since then, she hasn’t moved a muscle. She’s been paralyzed by fear over what and how Jane might react next.

A part of her fears that this might just be the news that’ll break him.

They may have Jason Lennon, but even if he does survive Lorelei’s brutal attack, it’s just not the same. For a start, he’s not even their suspect. He belongs to Homeland Security now, even if she is trying to argue the case. But even if she does somehow succeed, there’s no emotional bond between Jane and Lennon for Jane to use and abuse. There’s no telling if they will ever be able to get a name from him. Besides, he’s still in a coma, one the doctors just cannot risk taking him out of. From the wounds he sustained, he wasn’t meant to live and Lorelei might still end up with another death to her name posthumously. Lorelei had wanted Red John to end with her and her alone. She wanted to get away, to stop Jane from following her and kill the serial killer for what he’d done to her sister. The only problem was, she had ended up grossly underestimating either him or herself.

In some twisted way, she had a shared goal with Lisbon, or so she thinks… almost hopes. Neither one of them had wanted Jane to lose his soul to Red John.

There’s still every chance that that might happen.

Swallowing deeply, she stands. She needs to break the news to Jane; she can’t just stay here forever. Somehow, Lisbon knows she needs to find the right words to soften the blow. God only knows how, though.

With each step heavy on her heart, she makes her way up to his dingy attic space.

There’s no point in delaying the inevitable any longer.


End file.
